Been laying low a little bit this year. This year has been a bit twisted, not so much in the fun and tasty Twizlers way (I don't care what anyone says, those are delicious.) It's been a year marred with a cornucopia of things that are not fruit, or vegetables, or nuts, or sea bass. Yes, my Horn Of Plenty, has been plenty uncool.
I make a motion to veto 2007.
I bring you to a sun speckled early-September morning. Following the delivery of my new washing machine and dryer (which followed the explosion of my old washing machine and dryer), I was taking the abnormally large cardboard boxes and styrofoam remnants to the trash on the otherside of the parking lot. After attacking my girlfriend with a makeshift styrofoam Excalibur, I couldn't help but notice random papers strewn about the parking lot.
"That's weird" I said, thinking things were weird.
"Those look like someones insurance papers..."
Realizing I've been exposed to the Sun's harmful gamma radiation, I slowly start to head back inside.. none the wiser.
"Dude, where's your car?" she said somewhat shocked. (with no intent of relation to the movie of similar title)
My thought process at this point was slightly reminiscent of that scene from 'Beavis and Butthead Do America' when they realize their TV was stolen. I see the mess of papers on the ground, the empty parking space where my car used to be, as I piece together the tragedy.
The sad part is I walked through that very spot on my way out and had no idea. Had it not been pointed out my car wasn't in my spot, I would have probably gone back inside and attempted to smash zombies with a bowling ball in Dead Rising.
Hilarity did not ensue. 6 weeks of battling with insurance appraisers/adjusters, banks, rental car companies. Some of the most vile people in Earth's history. Not unlike Hitler or Yeti-Christ. My car was recovered a week later, sitting on it's axles in some random unfavorable neighborhood, gutted. (and written off, eventually)
That was just a 6 week slice in the year of suck. The early portion of the year had me back home "Garden State" style. (Minus everything that made that movie happy and/or good). The remainder of the year has been a confusing mash up with regards to work, and relationships.
VETO I SAY.
And what now? Still some of 2007 left? Is it possible to salvage this dismal trainwreck of a year? Well, right now it's starting to be the colder part of fall when fall turns into winter. The jacket you wore during the earlier part of fall might not be warm enough, but your winter coat might be too warm. Try wearing your winter coat unzipped. That's what I do and I think it works.
Thinking about staying warm, I used to wear mittens when I was a kid, but nobody wears mittens as an adult. At what age do mittens stop working? I don't know. I can't have all the answers. I think you should wear mittens. I'll get some mittens and wear them too. We'll bring them back for grownups if we all do it together.
My last suggestion is for you to have a good weekend. Maybe watch TV, but not too much TV. Time is infinite, but we only are around for part of time. Use that time wisely. Build a shed, paint a picture of a beautiful woman, or smash a few zombies in the face with inanimate, and possibly blunt objects.
Also, hug somebody. Just make sure they want to be hugged before you hug them, I've been down that road.